I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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