You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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