my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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