this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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