She is in my trunk
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
