You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
