he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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