Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
