whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I touched a dick in church today
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
