If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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