I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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