god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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