i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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