It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
