i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
