i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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