Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
