Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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