I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's blow job season.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
