so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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