you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
