I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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