If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
