My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
