She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
