Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
