Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
