i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
