I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
