I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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