I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
