...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
