1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
