he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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