Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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