Me too!
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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