guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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