We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
