dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
