2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I had to cum in my sink.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
