smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
