I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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