Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
