I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
