I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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