are you so shy because you have an std?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
