why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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