Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
