so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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