okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
